11:35 Christmas Eve

Sitting upstairs at my parents house thinking how weird it is that I would refer to this place as such, and how strange it is to me that each year home feels more and more like my parents house and less and less like my own.

Having finished my wrapping I now sit listening to Sufjan and preparing for bed.

It's been a strange day. I woke up to sleet which two hours later turned into one of the most beautiful snow storms I've ever seen. (minus the whole 45mph wind gusts with a temp of 4 degrees). Oklahoma City was blessed with over 11 inches of snow in 5 hours, breaking all snow records for the state. Our back yard has snow banks from the drifts that are roughly 3 feet tall.

It feels nice to have a White Christmas for once, though it's sad and very strange to not have had our candelight service at church (first time in 22 years that we've missed it) or have family over for chowder and cookies after. My grandparents braved the snow and walked across the park to our house after they couldn't get out of the driveway and our car got stuck in the road... this is very crazy to those of you who know how close we live to each other...

Anyhow, it's been a quiet day, which is fitting I suppose.

I've thought a lot about people I don't even know this week. Several friends and acquaintences have been faced with severe tragedies this fall and I can't help but think about how different this Christmas must be for them compared to the last. Strange to think that about death on a day when we celebrate the worlds most important birth... then again, it's really not too strange if you really think about it.

Anyways, I have to admit I've been a bit of an internet stalker reading up on the lives of those who've passed this year, most of whom I barely know. In a strange way it has been compelling to me to read about their lives and to see the amazing things that people have to say about them and the lives that they once lived. I can only hope that my life is lived half as well as those we've lost this year. Lame as it sounds.. death really makes you think.

So tonight I am thinking about men and women I barely know. I'm thinking about my life and the future and how getting older makes things complicated. I'm thinking about how things change. How people change... How people change things.... How things change people.

And about a baby who changed everything.


May your Christmas be peaceful.
Love, Danica.
http://deathisnotdying.com/

"...And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

⁹And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

¹⁰And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

¹¹For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

¹²And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

¹³And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

¹⁴Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men...."

A Case of the Saturdays: Or, why everyday is a day in between...

Brief History Lesson: I started this blog the summer before I left home for college. I had read about these crazy new things called "blogs" in a spread in Seventeen Magazine that discussed a newfound trend: all things "emo." Thanks to that 2002 summer edition of 17 I learned not only about blogs but also some dude named John Mayer. Crazy. Anyhow, after looking into the blog world, my friends and I decided these little devices would be a good way to keep each other updated on our lives as we went out into the world and away from each other. (note the melodrama.. ha we were on our way to emo already) When I set mine up I couldn't quite think of a title, so I settled on "The Days Inbetween" because that's how I felt that summer, being done with high school and listlessly waiting for college to start.

Oh the irony that over the course of the past 7 years this title has remained every bit as relevant to my life.

Truth is, we're always in between something. In between life milestones, decisions, jobs, grades..etc There's always something else further on down the road. It never stops and it rarely slows down... it's a rat race, and honestly it can be exhausting.

Today is Easter, in case you missed it. It's Easter and for the first time in my entire life I didn't go to church. Technically I was there, but I was getting paid to watch kids. There was no singing, no sermon, no communion.. and yet I don't feel as though the day was lost on me. I had a restful afternoon with old friends and good food. I did laundry. I sat in the sun, and I sang to myself in the car. In a few moments my brother, cousin and I will open a bottle of wine and cook up a leg of lamb. It's a good day.

In thinking of Easter, I'm reminded that it's been an interesting few years. Those of you who are close to me know that I've had a rough patch in the God/religion/church department. It's been a long road but these past 8 months have really brought me to a place of different understanding/perception of things. I hesitate to say "deeper" but my hunch is that's the case too. I've never missed out on church as much as I have in the past few years in fact, I've been less and less throughout the past 8 months. While I am getting back into the swing of things and I am again enjoying the value of community and fellowship, the strange truth is that over this winding stretch of time in my life, I've "found" God and felt closest to him in not-so-ordinary spaces: smoking of rooftops, singing in bars, driving across the open roads of Texas, walking alone in the woods, sitting upstairs alone in my room, in literature, in movies, in museums, in other peoples' music, in other peoples' dreams... It's been an eye-opening season of my life, coming face-to-face with my idols, learning to be patient with myself and the process of things, and embracing God where I see Him, no matter where that may be.

Awhile back, in the midst of some struggling, I had the reminder/realization that "I can't "trust" or "distrust" God based on what I feel he is doing or what I feel he has done, but rather on what I know He has done. I can, and must, trust God because of Jesus."

And that's what today is all about. Amen, right?

It's Easter. It's Sunday. And as cliche as it is, it's true: it's Sunday in a world that's stuck in Saturday.... caught in between the already and the not yet, suffering through the effects of death, and anxiously waiting for all to be made right. It's a long road and it doesn't seem to stop. It's a rat race, and honestly it can be exhausting... but we can trust that Sunday is coming, not because of what we feel or think, but because of Jesus. His death and resurrection have ensured that the end of the road is coming.

As for now, may these days in between be revealing and blessed.
He is Risen Indeed,
~Danica

"Only love. Only love can leave such a mark..."

Vday. Hey hey.

I really don't understand why so many people hate on Valentine's Day. I suppose I see where they are coming from, but the way I see it, my best and my worst Valentine's Days occurred at times when I wasn't single.. so I figure it's a risk either way.

As a kid I LOVED Valentine's Day. After Christmas it was my favorite holiday. It was near my birthday, there was lots of candy involved, and we always had awesome parties at school. Shoe Box Valentine holders? Anyone? Good times. These days I still like Valentine's Day, but now I tend to think of it more as a built in stimulus for the economy. =)

Still, I try to think about"love" on this day...and not just the "ooey-gooey Russell Stover chocolate love" but the real stuff. The hard kind. The friendships that endure through all kinds of crap. The marriages that survive betrayal. The oppressed that can embrace the oppressor. I look through what I know of love in my life, and granted it is small, but I think what I know is true. Love is an action and a choice, not just happiness. Love is the final scene of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (best love story ever). Love is Corrie ten Boom forgiving the nazi who killed her sister. Love is ubuntu. Love is I Corinthians 13. Love is putting others' needs before your own. Love is having to say you're sorry a lot, but with deeds and not just words. Love is something I'm not as good at as I thought I was.

So I'll think on these things.

And today I'll settle for doing things that I love: sleeping in, writing with ballpoint pens, making two different types of pancakes (in valentine's day shapes) while listening to Joshua Tree on vinyl, playing guitar, taking a trip to Target and then on to Guitar Center. Maybe I'll get some chick-fil-a somewhere in there.. and perhaps a trip to the Container Store before trying to finish setting up my room. Tonight I'm going to a show. It's a good day.

I'll come back later to post about the awesomeness that was Andrew Bird on Thursday night, as well as giving you the lowdown on last nights Falling Whistles event (it went well, I went to bed at 5am if that's any indication).

For now, love to you!

In Honor of World AIDS Day..

I'm a day behind since I spent yesterday on the road.. but I came across this recently and thought it was perfect.

Cheers for someone getting it right.
~Danica



(and yes this is a video post.. sorry if it doesn't show up in reader feeds)

End Scene.

So, last week was a little rough.. I've been sorting through quite a few things and it just so happened that a lot of "stuff" hit the fan all at once, so to speak... any how I took some time to myself, spent a good deal of time outdoors and then played some football, and that helped things quite a bit. Sometimes I forget to slow down and be 24. I don't have life or myself figured out yet.. but that's ok.

Anyhow, here's an uber quick glance at life a-la Danica currently:

-I went to see N.T. Wright speak a couple nights ago. If you don't know who he is, you should look him up. He's a renowned theologian/scholar who has some pretty incredible/controversial opinions about Paul, Resurrection, Jesus, hope.. all that good stuff. Anyways, I went back and forth with myself debating whether or not I should go, but I am so glad I did. Hearing him describe what Resurrection should mean to Christians and how we should be thinking about "heaven" and "Resurrection" and "the new world" somehow was exactly what I needed to hear.

Towards the end Wright made the point of saying that Christians should view the resurrected Jesus in John's gospel as an example of what our "resurrected lives" would be like. Jesus was the same, but different. His disciples recognized him, but also knew that he was different than before. He still ate food and did material things. Surprisingly enough though, the wounds from the nails were still present in His hands, even in His resurrected state. How interesting that the signs of love from Jesus' former life still remained.. that they had carried over. When Wright mentioned this, I thought "wow. that's beautiful"... and then I started to tear up, because thinking about how Jesus' love of us, of me, had wounded Him... Him being completely blameless, and He took it anyway, and it stayed with Him. Not the pain, but a visible reminder, proof, that He had loved still remained post-Resurrection. I don't know, something about that really struck me. Most people have examples of how their love has caused them hurt or pain, and none of us are blameless.. sometimes it's little consolation to say that "pain is proof that you've loved".. but thinking about love, and when you have truly loved and really suffered because of it, thinking about that carrying over and having the signs of love remain.. even after death seeing how loving really forms and defines us..geez, I don't know. I can't explain it. Just thinking about Jesus, and how his rising from the dead didn't negate his death, it didn't rewrite His story, it didn't erase His murder or make the past go away, but rather, it made His story and His sacrifice all that much stronger... and in the end, His signs of love still showed through. Geez, you can't write something that good... if I could only be a portion of who He is... thank God I'm accredited with His righteousness. Anyhow, yeah, NT Wright was good. Made me want to read his newest book: "Surprised by Hope."

-BANDITOS! So, we had 2 games on Monday and our first one went in to DOUBLE OVERTIME! I ate dirt several times and got an interception, 2 blocks, 2 receptions, a good run and quite a few tackles. What a night.

We still lost though.
=(

-Saturday. This Saturday!! Saturday is a very big deal for me. I've been carried away. I'm obsessed. I can't shut up about it, because it's going to be freaking awesome/terrifying/long/tiring/ and exciting. Yes, it's finally here. The half. 13.1 miles of running. No walking. I can't believe it's finally here and that I am anywhere close to ready... but it is and I am, and I've been thinking about that finish line all week. I feel like I've learned a lot about myself through this process and I am beyond proud. So, so proud of myself for starting, continuing and (as of Saturday) completing this challenge. I'm going to see something I believe in come true. It's going to happen. I'm not celebrating yet, (this is me we're talking about =) ) but I am looking forward to seeing it happen. (and it's gonna happen)

-Let's see, on the "work-front":
+I turned down the development deal, but I think I mentioned that already.
+I licenced a song for JCTV a couple weeks ago.
+Luke added me to the David Kidd playlist. haha.
+I was played on Lightening 100 a couple weeks ago.
+An Ad Agency is currently working with me and my music. holla.
+Some random Internet radio show has been playing my stuff. it's called earPlugs and the host is a fictional character named Miss Mary Francis.. I have no idea who these people are.
+I have a couple options for doing shows and recording in Chicago
+I was asked to join an acoustic sampler, but some of the details are a bit sketch, so I probably won't.
+I found reviews of my stuff on iTunes... one of them being from some girls I have baby-sat for before. Awesome. Always good to know that I have elementary-aged girls as fans. Ha.
+I've got a show in OK in May, but pencil it in. no ink.. still working out the travel details.
+There's a chance I may be narrating a book! Again, not in stone, but cool to be in the running.

-The WVEA Tour position fell through. =( I was sad, still kinda am, but I feel honored that I had such a long interview with them, especially since it was a nation-wide job search.

-Got another little something in the works (in the job-works that is)... I'm keeping my fingers crossed while trying not care about it. (It's not working)


Anyways. I guess that's all for now. LOST is about to come on, so if anyone wants to eat marshmallows and sit with me in my living room, come on by!



...I'm trying here. I'm trying.

That's Amore.

Another "religious" post: Church visiting.

I've started church-hopping.

In my experience, this has never been a good thing, but I suppose it's better than nothing.

One interesting part of church visiting is getting to see many different traditions at work. One not so interesting part is being asked your opinion about it afterward.

I don't like "summing up" churches. I find it strange to talk about church as if one were rating a movie: "well, I liked this, but I wasn't a fan of this, and this was weird... etc etc." Church should be about worship... and if so, then it really has very little to do with me.

That said, I've had a few people ask me what I thought of my most recent church visit, and after taking several days to mull it over, I thought I would post some general things here, most of which, honestly, have less to do with any specific church and more to do with how the gospel is presented.

The church I typically attend meets in a school on Sunday evenings. The average age is roughly 25. It's a young church. Young in age, young in the faith, young in existence even. It's Presbyterian now, but I try not to get caught up in that. They've named themselves after the city. They are about Jesus. They're about the city. They are about community. They strive to work toward reconciliation, both racial and economical. It's a tad more traditional, they recite the creed, they observe the table every week, etc.

The church I attended this past Sunday meets at a historic house on Sunday mornings. It was also a young church, the average age being roughly 21. Also young in existence, and probably young in the faith as well, though it would be impossible to really know based on one Sunday. They are nondenominational. They've named themselves after an artform. They are about Jesus, and community (and probably other things that become more apparent after more than one visit). It's a tad less traditional. No creed, no weekly table, praise and worship songs, etc.

It's funny to me that the majority of new churches are filled with young people, though I guess it's not entirely surprising. I wonder though. There's a lot to be said about age diversity and having a community that encompasses all ages. It's something my church is working on, and it's something I think all churches should value, specifically new churches, since this seems to be a struggle for them especially.

Another thing I've found interesting is how churches are named now. Back in the day when a church was formed it became "First baptist" or "Ridgeway Methodist" always having the denomination in the name. But now churches don't do that as much, I think it's an attempt to sound more inviting maybe.. perhaps in hopes of not turning people away who have preconceived ideas about a certain denomination. Not a bad idea really.. interesting concept. Who knows, maybe in 5 years I'll start attending "Woven Community" or "Stained Glass Fellowship" or something equally as post-modern.

Non-denominational churches are also on the rise. Personally, I think this is attributed to Christians attempts to be more accessible.. again, trying to break away from individuals' preconceived ideas about any one denominations practicings. Or in some cases, to take the focus off of tradition and ritual and keep things more generalized. There's a lot to be said for either camp. I do think tradition and history is important, but I don't think it's everything.. just like I think accessibility is important, but if it's overemphasized it tends to miss the point.. and then tolerance comes into play...

What can I say? This "business" of church is a little crazy, sadly.

Anyhow, back to last Sunday...

The sermon was over love. How to love. Why denying yourself is of upmost importance, and that learning to deny yourself and choosing to love and serve others is following in Jesus' footsteps, and thus, living out the Christian life. That when you focus on loving and serving well, then you will be blessed.

All of this true. All of this being a great Biblical lesson that everyone should learn, or at best, spend their life trying to learn and live out.

I went hiking the other day. 5 mile trail. Alone. No ipod. Just me. I got to thinking about my recent church visit, and the similarities and differences between this church and the church I typically attend.

There were the obvious things. Both new churches, both young, both relatively small. One more traditional, one less so.. etc. And then I came to the sermon.

In all honesty, I wouldn't be surprised to hear almost the exact same sermon at my regular church, which is nice. The only difference was that I have a feeling that my regular church would take the ideology a step further, adn rather than stopping with "Do this, work at this, make this your life and you will experience God's blessing" I think they would have started there.. saying "Do this, work at this, make this your life and you will experience God's blessing... HOWEVER, His blessing may not materialize in ways you might expect."

It might sound cynical and negative, but I do think it's Biblical (and downright honest) that sometimes "blessings" don't come in the ways we hope or plan. Take Stephen for example: He loved, He served and He was stoned to death because of it. And yet.. I'd bet he considered it a blessing in the end.

Do I think Sunday's church was "wrong" to leave out this small, yet important detail? Do I think that my home church is "better" or "more accurate" for pointing it out?

Not necessarily.

I think there are different people who need to hear different things at different times. There are days were I want to go to church and just sit and absorb and not have to think so hard, where, God forgive me, I just want to hear some truisms: that God forgives me, that life is good and things will be fine..etc. And then there are other times: Where I have tried to love. Where I have tried to serve, and yet my life resembles shit, and I'm left wondering where those "blessings" are, if they exist and if they are ever coming, and is it wrong to expect them, and what does that mean? etc.

Lately I've had more of a need for the former, thus my present church (that and I commited to them when I became a member last year, and I'm trying my hardest to honor that).

They say that church shouldn't be comfortable. That it should stretch you and challenge your thinking in addition to rubbing you the wrong way at times.

If these things are true, then I think it's important to have different churches , because obviously different things will stretch and challenge different people. For some it may be more than challenging to hear that loving and serving are primary to christianity, while others may need to be stretched by hearing that just because you love and serve doesn't mean that you are exempt from suffering, and maybe that's God's way of blessing you.

Either way... even if there were only one church per city, and I happened to really dislike the one in my town, I wouldn't be exempt from being a part of that community.. because church is about God, not about me or my preferences, and anywhere He is, I can humble myself to be also.

Lonely.

"Love. We all crave it. We were made for it, and if we don’t receive it, some essential part of our hearts undoubtedly fades away. To love and be loved are not just innate desires, they are life or death needs.

In North American society and culture where looking "Calm, cool and collected" is considered an asset, the need for love is often believed to be a weakness instead of appreciated as a quality of one’s humanity—made in the image of the God who loves. And so, like the black notebook hiding underneath a seemingly neat and tidy bed, one can put on a mask that asserts to others they, "Have it all together" in an attempt to hide their cavernous inner hunger to be treasured, understood, held, heard ... loved. Whether one is successful at hiding their eternal heartache for love, the fact remains: We all desperately crave love, to give it and to receive it."

I've been pretty lonely lately.

Lonely at home. Lonely at work. Lonely alone. Lonely with groups.

Not debilitating lonely... just, achey lonely.

I miss the friendships that I have lost; and having to accept the fact that they are broken, that they will never be fixed, that they are never coming back has been a hard thing to deal with.

Now I know: I have had an amazing life. I've been to amazing places. I've experienced amazing things. I've done amazing things. I've met amazing people. I've lived out a fabulously tragic love story. Kudos to me.

And yet I find myself lacking. Detatched. And lonely.

Lonely.

Lonely for those friendships that just "are." Those friendships that just "work."

Of course, I'm beginning to wonder whether any of that is true anymore. 99% of those friendships I've experienced have fizzled, faded and died. So maybe they are nonexistent, or perhaps just short lived. Who knows.

All I know is this: I miss feeling protected. I miss having a person to call home. I really miss being able to take care of someone. I miss having someone to tangibly see and sit and talk with at any time on any given day.

And I realize what I miss.

I miss love.

Not in the "I love you." "No, I love you" "no I love YOU" ooey gooey kind of way... but in the comfortable kind of way. The kind of love that is two people sitting together not having to say or do anything, sometimes doing 2 completely different things.

And I know that Jesus is all of those things. But let's be honest, sometimes that just doesn't feel like enough. Sometimes I just want to be held. Tangibly, physicaly held. Most days I need to hear that I am loved. I need to audibly hear it, and from someone other than my family. Of course my family loves me, of course Jesus loves me, they have to! Is it so much to ask to hear it from someone who is choosing to? Someone who will choose to, who won't change their mind later? Does that even exist?

I don't do relationships, but even with friendships I still want someone to walk with me so I'm not walking alone with my thoughts for 2 hours a day. I want someone to watch movies with, to discuss books with, to go get coffee with, to go to church with. I want someone who can sit in front of me and tell me I'm being ridiculous, impulsive and impatient in as loving a way as possible. I want someone who will cry with me. I want someone who will laugh with me. I want someone who will make me laugh. I want someone who can write with me, play out with me, record with me, inspire me, push me to work harder, tell me to take a break, and help me relax. I want someone to go exploring with, someone who can help me understand God and what He's doing, someone who will encourage me, someone who believes in me, someone I can call repeatedly at 2am, someone who will randomly surprise me, someone who will hold me, someone I can fall asleep with on the couch while watching a boring movie...etc.

And I want to be that someone for somebody else. I really do. Oddly enough, I could probably feel fulfilled if I could just be that for someone, even with nothing in return. But I know that's not how it works. That it would work for a while but fail in the end.. and it would be wrong for me to take that road.

Again, I know Jesus Himself is all of those things (and should be all of those things to me), but I guess I just wish he was physically here. After a while, praying and conversing with the people upstairs starts to feel a lot like talking to yourself.

Love is a verb.

Lately I've been thinking about how 'love' is a verb. I suppose I've always believed it, but it seems that more and more I am realizing the consequences of love being a verb. If love is a verb, then it is a choice.. It is an action (action words are verbs.. the song, remember?) So what does it say when someone says, by word or deed, "I don't love you anymore."

If love is a verb, then they are basically saying: "I'm choosing not to love you."

Mward and I used to say that we didn't believe in love. This of course is silly, because if love weren't real than most peoples lives would be a little less complicated. But the more I think about love as a verb, the more I think that Mward and I were onto something... "Love" as a noun is certainly alive and well... but perhaps love as a verb really is dead. Nonexistant. Only Jesus ever truly lived love as a verb and look at what happened to Him: the people He loved betrayed, denied and killed him.

Yeah.

So I'm left wondering what hope there is at all. When we live for ourselves and treat love as if it were something that comes along now and again...a simple emotion.. what a joke. "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? (Jer.17:9)" That means you can't rely on anything you think or feel.. in the end it comes down to the choices you make, and the actions you take. Otherwise, why not have an affair when you meet someone who connects with you better than your spouse does? Why not abandon your marriage when it becomes too hard and you no longer feel adequate and your wife/husband has turned into a total bitch? Why not ignore that lonely friend of yours that just can't seem to leave you alone?

God calls people to love with the verb form of love. To choose to love. To love at all times, and in all circumstances. It wasn't a request either....Does anyone else realize the enormity of what this means? This means we can't just walk away from people who rub us the wrong way... we can't ignore our friends when they piss us off.. and .. well, just look at the divorce rate.. good gracious, if love is really a verb, and God really meant for it to be that way, then we can't just go around breaking our commitments to love because we've started feeling differently about the situation... are you kidding me? I don't think God's strolling around telling people to end their marriages because maybe they really shouldn't have gotten married in the first place, or, maybe there's something more exciting out there, or, maybe it's just not going as planned.

When loving doesn't come easy, it becomes easier to see where our hearts lie. Do I act in my own interest, or in that of others? Do I abandon the situation? Do I pursue those who are difficult to love, or do I blow them off? If you are like me, and most people, then you probably act out of selfishness when the rubber really meets the road. We are such selfish creatures. At the end of the day, we really only love ourselves. And yet God demands that we love. That we choose love... He must have known that love, whether romantic or otherwise, wouldn't always be stars and fireflies otherwise why the emphasis on really choosing to love others?

Ultimately, love is never gonna do it for you. You'll fail. You'll be failed. Your marriage will come up short. You'll screw over your friends. Your loved ones will hurt you more than your enemies ever could. You'll manage to return the favor. You'll love poorly. You'll refuse to love. You'll choose to be selfish. You'll fall victim to anothers apathy. And then what do you do?

I dunno... I would figure you repent. You hold on, you keep your commitments, you trust, and you keep on loving. You remember that it's God who completes you. Not your spouse, and not your friends, so you can let them off the hook and stop expecting so much in return. You remember that it's God who makes you feel alive so you no longer have to go searching for excitement and newness when times get mundane because surely the God who created the universe will bring change when it's time. You remember that receiving love is as important as giving it, so you let yourself be loved, and you vow to continue loving despite what the unknown future may bring. You choose not to wallow in sin or self-pity. You refuse to be bound by pride. You humble yourself and prepare to get dirty because you remember that love is work, and it wasn't God's recommendation, but God's command.

In summation: Love is a verb, and this makes love harder than we thought, so expect turbulence. Don't expect your friends, loved ones or significant others to be for you what God is supposed to be for you... they will never succeed because they were never meant to.. be thankful that they (and you) fall short, if we didn't, what would we need Jesus for?

I'll be honest: when I think about how cavalier humans are with love and relationships... it really scares the crap out of me. People are so fickle... we are easily swayed and easily satisfied. Personally, I don't do relationships. I honestly believe I would be divorced if I ever got married, but suppose that weren't true and I felt differently: Even then how could I be sure that my husband wouldn't get bored or tired and leave me to wake up one day and find him gone? There are no garauntees... who's to say I wouldn't marry a godly man who loves me but will one day unexpectedly leave me for someone else who has something to offer that I don't? Or someone who is less work than I am? I'm just one woman... I can't possibly be all things at all times. I'm only human, and I'm not so hot at that half the time as it is.

I would have to hope that my spouse found their worth and full satisfaction in Jesus, so that I wouldn't have to fear being left because I was too difficult, or because we fought, or because I wasn't as exciting and fulfilling as they may have expected to the point where a life without me seemed more fulfilling. I'd have to pray that I would marry a man with a strong faith who trusted God daily with our future so that our financial troubles, unforseen obstacles or other typical difficulties wouldn't be seen as reasons to leave. I'd have to believe that he would be in tune enough with God to refuse to doubt the truth when times got dark.

But even then... people change. We all do. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. Oftentimes you don't even see it coming. There is no such thing as "sure." why else would so many marriages fail after years of commitment? No one has a garuntee that their spouse won't wake up one day and just decide they'd rather be alone, choosing to throw them, their relationship, their collective past and their collective future away. So people should pray for increased faith and trust in God... and that's harder than it sounds. After all, who's to say God hasn't planned a divorce for certain people? It's important to pray for faith either way, so that even if your loving christian spouse leaves you for other things (themselves, someone else, a career, etc), your faith in Jesus will be strong enough to pull you through it and give you rest. Granted, I've yet to hear of anyone feeling that way after being left, but I think it's still something to hope for.

A friend of mine once said it best, I'll leave you with his words:

Yes it is true that we are not "made complete" through our girlfriends, or our wives. True completeness only comes through Christ when we will finally be unified with Him as His bride. And this story about the man in the moon and venus is a powerful one because so many people, it seems, do believe that we can simply fall in and out of love. They don't realize that love is a choice, and the passion we feel is a gift. A gift that God does not always allow us to enjoy, so that it will be made plain to us who we really love by the choices we make when we do not feel this passion.

However, with this in mind, the woman that God does have for you, should "complete" you in certain ways that no other human relationship can. Meaning that if she was to leave, you would feel incomplete in certain ways that your friends would not be able to fulfill. We were made for relationship, mainly relationship with God, however, since that cannot happen in all perfectness while we are here on Earth, God allowed for us to be able to experience a lesser form of that intimacy with our significant others so as to gain a taste of God's amazing love.

In other words, it is your job to let yourself be loved by your spouse as they try and imitate God's love for you, and at the same time (and more importantly) it is your job to be the best portrayal of Christ to them as you choose to love them everyday by being willing to sacrifice your life in whatever way neccessary so that they will know that you love them with a love that will not fade, whether the passion is there or not. I am not trying to diminish the importance of not dating to those that have decided not to date (that is between you and God), however, if you are waiting until you know you are ready, then you never will be because the love you have to give is being compared to the love God has already given, and you will never match up.

You will hurt her (or him), you will screw up, you will face temptation that you can never really prepare yourself for. And that is why it is so important for us to fully rely on God in our relationships because the strongest relationships are not the ones in which the two people really prepared themselves for beforehand (although, there is some truth to that as well), but the strongest relationships are the ones in which everyday both the man and the woman recognize that they must choose to love, apart from their feelings, apart from their passions and apart from the expectations that are not met by the other person. It is these relationships that are able to face the rockiest of times and not only survive, but come out even stronger on the other end.

The Man in the Moon and Venus didn't make it because their relationship was based on the expectations that come from selfish love (which really is not love at all if you ask me), and that is true of too many relationships. However, this is not because they didn't wait long enough before getting together, or because God had someone better out there for them, or because they just weren't compatible. No, this was simply because their love was built on an extremely weak foundation of conditions rather than on the perfect foundation of Christ. And that would have made all the difference.

Let's hope we can all believe and act accordingly.... Lord knows most days I can't.

Woo hoo!!!!

Yippee for Charissa and Robert!

More Proposal Pics!

So.. it turns out that we were not alone in the wilderness! Joel had a friend of his hide up in the brush with a camera by the falls where he planned to propose. he stayed hidden the entire time and took pictures of the entire thing! Joel just surprised me with them today!! Some are a little blurry due to the stealth nature of the endeavor.. I will do my best to narrate:

Joel and I switch places so that he can "take my picture."


He's proposing!! No way!


Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!


Are you sure?


WOW!



PDA.


Mmm.

Engagements Everywhere!

Yes Kelsey, I'm wearing a freakin' rock!


Wow this is crazy....

So, as of May 17th, 2006 Joel and I became officially engaged!

Here is the story:

Monday morning we flew out here to Redding, CA to spend some time with Joel's family. We spent the first few days hiking around to different scenic spots and meeting various fmaily members. So far so good. =)

Yesterday I woke up to the sound of Joel coming into my room carrying breakfast on a tray (eggs, bacon, toast, oj, vitamins, oh my!) along with roses. Yay for breakfast in bed! We had planned to spend the day out at McCloud Falls, an area in the mountains with 3 different waterfalls: lower, middle, and upper. We got ready to go for the day, and before we left Joel said he had something else for me, so he pulled out a huge Hershey's "Special Dark" chocolate bar along with another rose. Awww. So Joel had the car packed up with lunch, parked in the garage with the air conditioner running so we got in and started on our way.

We drove for about an hour up through the mountians, passing Mt. Shasta and other scenic points. Along the way we got a bit turned around, and Joel seemed to be getting a little frustrated that he didn't remember exactly where it was, so we turned around once, and when we arrived we took a wrong trail but eventually we found our way. (all the while I kept telling him that we were in no hurry, so there was no need to worry about getting turned around... etc etc). So when we got on the right track we stopped by the lower falls first, took some pictures, stuck our hands in the the freezing cold water, saw some deer, and then decided to head up toward the middle falls.

At the middle falls we took some pictures and then walked out to a rock on the water in front of the waterfall where we decided to unpack lunch. So we sat onn the rock and ate a bit, but we weren't very hungry, so I we packed up and I went to take a picture of Joel in front of the waterfall, then he asked to get a picture of me in front of the waterfall too. To which I protested asking why he wanted one too, but I finally gave in and we switched spots and I let him take a picture. Once he finished he said "Oh, remember how I told you that I had a graduation present for you and that I wanted to give it to you later? Well I want to give it to you now." So he went to his bag and pullled something out and held it behind his back as he walked back to me. Then he told me to stand up, and he got down on one knee pulled a box out behind his back, opened it up and said "Danica Faith Mercer, I love you so much. Will you marry me?"

To which I replied by covering my face saying "oh my god! oh my god!" And he said "at least look at the ring!" And I looked at the ring, and at him and said "Are you sure?" and he said "Yes, I'm sure." And I said "I might be bad at being married!" and he said, "It'll be fine." and I said "Yes. yes I will."

And then there was a lot of hugging and kissing. But no crying!!

So there it is, the story that I've told a million times and look forward to telling a million times more.

Some pics for the curious:

The Spot!


Joel before the question...


Me before the question...


Us after the question!


One more shot of the most beautiful ring ever!

"All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality." -MLK

I have a lot on my mind.

I've been thinking on Martin Luther King this week, and that's fitting I suppose. I ran across this quote yesterday, and while I've heard lines like this before, for some reason it hit me in a new way this time around.

I've always been one to take a quote like this and immediately think in terms of globalization, global community.. etc etc. But I heard this quote yesterday and i immediately thought of my friends, my family and my neighbors. I thought of how we need each other, and I thought of how hateful we all really are. How hateful I am. I thought about how we are all so quick to compete with each other, to be better, smarter, funnier, cuter, more talented, more well-read. I thought about how we go to great lengths to prove that our taste is better, that our opinion matters most, and that our solutions are the only way. I thought about how we rush to stereotype each other and to judge people based on the things they read, the music they like, or the denomination they choose. And we claim to be loving. We claim to be accepting of others when deep down we think we're smarter or more holy. It's sad really.

And this is why poverty doesn't suprise me anymore... because even the fighters are flawed. I thought about all the double-standards, all the hypocracy.. I'll get on to people for not buying fair trade but then I'll struggle over whether to buy that DVD that I don't need. I rag on my roommate for materialism, but here I am with an iPod, an iBook, a cell phone, a car and a cat.

Anyhow... I'm sure I'm sounding quite cynical right now, but there are days, and today is one of them, when I really can't wait to go home. To be free of this broken place, my broken friends, my broken family, my broken neighbors, my broken self. Home as in heaven. There are times when I am simply weary of being trapped here in this inbetween plae where nothing is every fully "right," where there is always work to do, and never enough time or resources to deal with the problems. Sometimes i think that "caring" is a curse, but if what Martin Luther King Jr. said is true, and I believe that it is... then our relation to one another is inescapable, and to not care would simply be inhumane. and if what the Bible says is true, and i believe that it is, then our brokenness is inescapable as well and it is something that we learn to reconcile ourselves to as God redeems things in His time.....

I wish I had more patience. I wish I knew how to let people be who they are... not through tolerance (eww), but through love. I wish I could love like Jesus did, and I hope that one day we'll have more in common.

Ha ey.

I know things have been shallow as of late.

I apologize, but please realize that the "depths" of things have been under exploration in other, more private, realms.

God has been busy lately. Through all the craziness I can feel Him teaching me about prayer and its power, and most importantly about knowing Him. I was doing some reading the other day and I was reminded of how 'knowing God' should be the most important part of our journey as christians. Now I know that there are many ways in which God reveals himself to us. But I have to wonder, How many times does 'knowing God' top my list of things to do? Even when it comes to things I strive for as a christian... how often do I actually put that first? It seems that I'm far more likely to get caught up in putting serving first, or others first, or trying to be "better" or "nicer" first.. all of which are postive things to do, and yes, God has definitely revealed himself to me through those things, but when was the last time I took time out of my crazy life to focus on knowing God? When was last time 'knowing God' was my motive for doing anything? far more often, "Because its what God would want" or "Because its the right thing to do..." or "Because this would make God proud" are my motivating factors.

So that's been on my mind.

And of course we had the National Student Campaign Against Hunger & Homelessness (NSCAHH) National convention this weekend in Seattle:

So many thoughts. Often times God's subtlety amazes me. I wonder if this was the last H&H conference I will ever attend. It's bittersweet. I sat through a presentation the other day and thought, "I am so blessed." And I really am. To go as a 3rd year returner with some sense of knowledge on the issues, and to be able to bring 3 compassionate, eager students with me... that's just such a gift. An answer to prayer really.

I often wonder how I got here. How is it that I found myself in Seattle watching films on water privatization, having conversations over class and priviledge, and learning about hunger fellow programs?

I browse through my past and I remember 5th grade projects over Jane Addams and the Hull House, Monday nights at the rescue mission and other small seemingly insignificant moments that I never thought would play a role in the shaping of my personality and my character.

I observe my present.. serving with H&H and relevant, RAing, campaigning for fair trade goods on campus, building service year, attending luncheons and formal dinners and development meetings and seminar after seminar after seminar, and of course..education education education.

I look toward my future and I accept the fact that there will always be work to do and I embrace the fact that I will be employed with the hope that I will work myself out of a job. I realize that I will live in situations, neighborhoods, and countries that will make me highly susceptible to violence and discrimination. I don't know if I will ever be fully prepared for those days, but they are coming, and I'm not afraid. I'm ready to delve in.. to really commit to the people and places I've been toying with for the past 3 years

Not sure what that means yet... but I'm sure God has something up His sleeve...

In the meantime, here I sit, on my couch, in my free apartment, typing on my lovely iBook, enjoying free wireless service and watching VH1's "The Fabulous Life of Celebrity Wives." All of which provoke me to hope and pray that one day I will know how to fullly reconcile my wealth and priviledge in a world were 30,000 children die every day from poverty.. and hopefully my journey to that day will consist of a lifetime of learning about God and His character...

I'm in a weird place... as if everything in my life is hanging in a balance that I don't really understand. Impatience doesn't even begin to describe this feeling of limbo that I'm slowly growing accustomed to. It looks as though summer plans are a go, one form left and I'm off for aid relief, then josh comes, then the rest of June, then July, the home for a week, then school starts up again for the final time.

God and I have had several good talks lately... revealing, humbling, somewhat painful even. Among other things, I've been challenged to ask myself "who is my neighbor?" For so long I thought I was good at the whole "Love thy neighbor" thing.. but when I think about it, I'm really not. Don't be fooled, tolerating people while smiling and faking interest is not loving them. And sure, it's easy to love a village of Africans that you may never meet, or a group of homeless people you see once a week, but it's loving the roommates, that annoying girl in your class who flirts with anything, that guy who is a total jerk, that person who always has to have the last word, those friends who copy everything you do, the group that consistently leaves you out, those Southern Baptists, the CCM industry etc. etc... THAT'S loving your neighbor. And I suck at it. Don't doubt me, I'm just as judgemental as the next person, and I spend a lot of time trying to fix that. I will say that God has been gracious enough to help me grow some in that area this year, but I've still got a ways to go. Especially when it comes to other christians. Wow, this is the part I really don't like. I never thought of myself as a "religious elitist" so to speak, and I probably wasn't until this year, but lately I find myself mentally critiquing the way some christians choose to do things. In some ways, this is a good thing, but in others it's just me being selfish and unwilling to admit that God ways are not my ways, that His grace covers legalists and bad musicians just as much as it covers me, and that maybe, just maybe He is capable of using tracts and legalism and crappy music to his advantage. Sheesh, a converted murderer turned out to be the early church's biggest asset, so who am I to decide what goes and what doesn't?

Speaking of selfishness... ugh, I don't know if I even want to go here.. but it's been brought to my attention that in my attempt to keep my life open and allowing God to to influence every area of my life, I've somehow managed to compartmentalize him nonetheless. How is this possible? Why do I continually end up in this place? The place where it dawns on me that my "good works" are merely things that I enjoy that require little to no sacrifice save time and sleep. Who knows, maybe that's the point.. maybe we eventually reach a place where the things we should be doing become things that we enjoy. I can't think of a scripture offhand that says service and obedience is always contemptible and laborious. ( "always" being the key word) Anyhow, I guess I'm starting to feel bad about my academic laziness and the fact that I really just don't care about school or music right now. And I'm a caring person... I care about way too much. I'm passionate about some ridiculous things, so I have a hard time facing my own apathy. But I've decided that I've been using my "extracurricular activities" as excuses for not working as hard as I should in other areas. Ahh story of my life. Somehow managing to abuse certain gifts to avoid refining others.

One day I'll learn..

Till then, I thought I'd let you all know that I found this awesome conditioner. Seriously, the Pantene Pro-V w/ Amino Proteins. Wow, pretty sure it gives you the softest hair ever. Yup.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

So I meant to talk about this a couple of days ago, but I got sidetracked... so allow me, if you will, to back track to Valentine's Day.

I spent the lovely evening at the apartment of a friend and together we had dinner with an amazing group of 9 fabulous females. It wasn't a time of boy-bashing, or self-pitying.. instead it was a time of sharing who were are and where we are all at in our lives and where it is we think we might be going. I have to say, I found it to be extremely empowering. There I was in a room with some of the most talented and motivated people I have ever met in my life, and none of us were dependent on another person for our happiness, none of us had a specific plan laid out for our lives, and yet there we were 9 strangers randomly connected by one circumstance or another. Together we represented 7 different states... it was amazing to hear how God had taken us from various places and brought us all here to Nashville, TN.

Maybe it's the fact that most of the girls I grew up with are married or having kids (or both), maybe it's the idea that where I'm from girls, go to college and get married and hopefully get a degree... but even as a single woman who has never subscribed to that philosophy, sometimes it's hard not to feel 'unsuccessful" when all of your friends are planning families and weddings and preparing casserols and meanwhile you have no idea what classes to take next spring, much less what the next 5 years will look like.

For a long time I went around saying that I would never get married.. that I would live to be a cat lady in a New York apartment where all the local children would call me auntie and come have tea with me in the afternoons. Granted, part of me was joking... but slowly I began to realize that I was obviously using this as an excuse, so that in case this actually happened, it wouldn't take me off gaurd... so that people would think that was the way I had planned it in case no one ever wanted me. It probably sounds stupid, but yeah, that's how my mind works sometimes.

These past few months God has been slowly showing me what it is that I really want out of life, and suprisingly enough.. it isn't things that I used to dream of as a teenager... in fact, He's probably spent more time showing me what it is that I DON'T want.. leaving the dreaming and scheming up to Him.

I don't want a lot of money, I don't want fame, I don't want a huge house, I don't even want to own a car that costs more than my yearly tuition, I don't want a platinum TV, I don't want a swimming pool.. etc etc.

Granted.. if God blessed me with money and fame and what not, then I pray that He would show me how to handle that in a proper manner.. (cause they certainly bring demons of their own.. even with the best intentions) but it's not something I feel the need to strive for, or even to ask for, for that matter.

I've finally come to a point in my life where I feel safe admitting that I want to get married. I want to have children. I want to have love, and family, and friends until the day I die. It may sound strange, but I've never been able to really say that out loud before. It was as if I thought admitting it would garuntee that it would never happen. (or worse, that people would assume that I had turned into one of those "flighty" girls whose ultimate goal in life was to get married) But for the first time ever, I'm at a place where I feel as though I'd be fine either way. I'm not going to lash out against God if I turn out to be single forever. The idea doesn't thrill me, but if I've learned anything, it's that God knows what I need and what I want and what He wants from me, and I... well, I don't.

So because of this, I don't feel the need to try and "save face" by acting as though marriage and family aren't a big deal to me. They are a big deal, and hopefully someday I'll enjoy them, but if not, then God has other things in store.

Haha.. it just dawned on me that RUF is supposed to be over relationships tonight, and chances are that I'll go hear the proper way to process this stuff and well... hopefully I'm not too far of base here. In my own defense my more intensive thoughts on the relationship kunundrum can be found HERE (scroll to 11-14 "pet peeve #98745" yup... that's the one.. ohh how we remember it well... haha)

Anyhow, I know some of us talked about our church experiences as of late, but I suppose I'll just reitterate how much Sunday meant to me. God's really been dealing with me and my feelings of inadequacy and "barreness" in terms of music and life and relationships and pretty much everything as of late. As most of you have shared, I too have felt helplesely trapped lately. As though everything in my life is on hold, in limbo, waiting for something, for anything, and meanwhile the world keeps moving, all while I'm sitting still, accomplishing nothing. So Sunday comes and and the sermon is over Abraham and Sarah. (We all know the tale, the barren woman and the man with no land to cultivate living in a time where God's tells man to be fruitful and multiply and to work the land) Anyhow, the message was simple, basically reminding us to look to the sky and remember God's promise. I know it sounds cheesy, but there I was: barren, unproductive, with no idea what to do or where to go or even how to fully let myself trust that God had a distinct plan and a purpose for me... and it was just what I needed to hear. That A: millions have fought this same battle before me, B: God keeps his promises and C: that if we had what we needed to accomplish our dreams and goals and whatnot.. then we wouldn't need Jesus (or think that we needed Him..).

So I know this post has been all over the place, but in my head all of these situations are extremely entertwined. basically it all boils down to me being able to let it all go and have a little faith.. to rest in the fact that "unsuccessful" by today's standards simply translates into "immense potential" in God language.

Well, this is the end I guess... I feel really vulnerable writing all this out, (and not because it's a public site, because trust me, I could fill fill libraries with all my thoughts and opinions and questions and realizations and the details of my life that I would never post... honestly, this is nothing in comparision to what it could be...plus, there's nothing here that I wouldn't share with anyone who asked) but because.. well I dunno.. those of you who know me know what a step this is for me... I'm sure I lost half of you when you passed out after the "I want to get married" sentence... or maybe you knew I was posing all along.

I've always been a bad liar. =)

Merry Christmas

There’s just something about Christmas. It’s magical, enchanting even. I’d have to say that it’s my favorite time of year. Everything about the season, the traditions, the decorations, the smells, the sounds, the mystery... it’s wonderful! We got our first touch of snow the other day here in Oklahoma and it finally feels like Christmas. I've survived my numerous trips to the mall, enjoyed the lights around town, absorbed the aroma of fresh goods being baked in the oven, and have even endured the massive amounts of wrapping that I have needed to get done for some time now. It's here. Christmas is upon us. Tonight with my friends and family I will partake in some of the many wonderful Christmas traditions that I have come to know and love.. our Candlelight service at church, the big party at my house afterwards complete with cheesecorn chowder and cider, cookies, tons of kids, the search for "the pickle' and of course, the "talent time." (which I could do without, but alas, traditions are traditions). After everyone leaves my family will then go into our separate spaces to wrap last minute gifts and stocking stuffers.. then I'll sneak out late and put cookies and coffee by the fireplace because even though I know "the truth", there's still a part of me that wishes I still believed in Santa. There is nothing like experiencing the "magic" of Christmas through the eyes of a child.

When I think about the Christmas story I think about peace, love, redemption and wonder... and yes, even it's "magic." But this year particularly I think about it's message of hope.

Going to school at Belmont has been an amazing experience for me thus far, everyone is so talented and it’s quite humbling to be a part of such an extraordinary group of people. But at the same time, being surrounded by stimulating talented individuals 24/7 can become a bit intimidating. You wouldn’t believe it, there are kids here who take the air out of the room when they get up and perform. It’s ridiculous. All you can say is “wow.’ This has been a hard thing for me to deal with because while I feel that God has given me some gifts in this area, I know that I don’t possess THAT kind of talent. I don’t have a “wow” factor. I’m not exceptionally smart, I don’t have a musical gift that will knock your socks off, and I’m certainly not a “knockout” beauty queen! I don’t say this out of self-pity or cynicism, in fact, I really don’t mean to sound negative either. I suppose that I say all of this to give encouragement to all the lonely people out there who think their lives are merely “ordinary.”

With the Christmass story in mind, perhaps this is why I love Mary. She was so.. normal. So everyday. So.. plain. As far as we know she didn’t have some amazing talent, she didn’t have an IQ that was off the charts, and she wasn’t a beauty queen either. She didn’t have a standout “wow” factor, and yet God used her in a spectacular way. God chose to bless her with a “wow-factor” that would forever be remembered. The best part is that she never saw it coming, and I highly doubt that any of her friends or family could have predicted what God had planned for her. She was common. Ordinary. In fact, when I look at the Christmas story it became obvious that all of the main characters were ordinary. From Mary and Joseph, to their parents, to the shepherds, God didn’t leave anyone out!

Some days I just can’t wrap my mind around it. When God sent his son into the world.. his only son.. he put him in the care of ordinary people. He didn’t choose the smartest, the most talented, or the most beautiful individuals in Israel to look after the world’s most precious gift, He didn’t even choose people with prior parenting skills! And the first people to hear the glorious news of Jesus’ birth were shepherds! Lower-middle class workers, doing the night shift no less, were the first to worship the newborn babe!

Christmas is a time of hope. A time of expectation. A time when we can go to God and not only thank Him for His precious gift, but to marvel at the very way He chose to come. Our God is the God of the unexpected, and I for one am tremendously glad that He is. The very fact that He chose ordinary people over kings and queens gives me great hope. So this Christmas I choose not to focus on my shortcomings, no matter what they may be, but rather, I choose to rest peacefully in the hope that if God used ordinary people in extraordinary ways some 2000 years ago, then chances are He’s still using ordinary people today.

And THAT my friends, is enchanting.

"Close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal
Into something beautiful "


In Christ it has all been done.


Merry Christmas.

"How do you expect me to respond to this?"

The other night I made the mistake of watching “When Harry meet Sally.” Don’t get me wrong, I love that movie, but I needed to watch it just to see if I still believed in its truths, and sadly.. I do. Yes america. I am one of “those people” who believes that single men and women cannot be friends without one of them being attracted at some point. I hate that I believe in this.. but it’s true! Admit it! It is SO true. The sucky part about this theology is that, in my life, it seems I am always the one who is attracted. Ok, I take that back.. there have been a few times where certain friends of mine have been attracted and I haven’t returned the favor.. but it’s been a while since I have been in that position (which, for the record, I hate, because there have been times were I have really wished that I could have feelings for people that I don’t have feelings for) ok wait.. now that I think about it, there was a tiny situation about a month ago where this sort of thing happened so maybe it hasn’t been “a while”.. wow, maybe I should stop complaining.

Anyhow. My point is this, and I think I have illustrated it quite well by now: The attempt is futile. Try as you might to be a single person in a platonic relationship with a single person of the opposite sex, it will never work. ok, so yes, it can work.. but be prepared because eventually, at some point, one will become “attracted” to the other. Whether there are intense feelings or not, whether you admit or not, whether “emotions” are ever discussed or not, it will happen. It’s a law somewhere. I just know it. And good luck to you if you happen to be the sucker who falls first. Because then what do you do? Tell them? How could you? You are friends, you value the friendship, you don’t want to end things all together, you don’t want things to be “awkward” blah blah blah. Face it. You’re screwed.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “Now Danica.. I have TONS of single guy/girl friends, and there is nothing going on... etc.” Well of course there isn’t anything going on! We are kings and queens of deception, haven’t you noticed? We’ve become masters at hiding the truth when it comes to how we really feel.

I would love to end this little soliloquy on a happy note.. but alas, how can I, Miss “Independent woman, Single and strong for 4 years long” instill hope in anyone on this subject? What do I know? I guess I could say that best case scenario you could end up like Harry and Sally.. but even then.. it took them 12 years to figure things out! Who has that kind of time? I will say this... I don’t think that attraction in a platonic relationship means death, but it definitely complicates things. I have single guy friends whom I have “liked” or who have “liked” me at some point or another, and we have managed to remain friends. Granted, in the cases where I have been the one attracted, they’ve had no idea.. but the point is that I managed to keep the friendship intact. So, maybe I am contradicting myself, but yes.. platonic relationships are possible.. but I don’t think they are as platonic as we like to think they are.

Just watch ‘When Harry Met Sally”.. such a great movie...

Pet Peeve #98745

Those who, either in word or in deed, subscribe to the philosophy that states that "romantic" love is a cure to loneliness.

This is not true.

I wasn't going to post about this... but it's too late now.


I'll be the first to admit that this is hard trap to avoid. After all, our culture has "Jerry-McGuired" us into believing that there are people out there who can "complete' us. But based on my experience (which, granted, is limited) "romantic" love is most definitely NOT a cure to loneliness. In fact, some of my loneliest moments were moments when I was dealing with "romantic" love.

I think that part of the problem here is our definition of "love." Sadly, the English language only has 1 word for love, whereas other languages have several. (Greek, for example, has 4) It is interesting to look at the implications this has made on our society. We throw the word “love” around as if it were any common noun or verb. We love chocolate, the color blue, the ocean, and sometimes we even love people! Because of our limited vocabulary options, we are forced to define love every time we use the term.

In my mind love is a choice. It’s a call to compassion, it’s a commitment to caring. A commitment that says, from now on, whether I “feel” like it or not, I choose to act in this persons best interest. Love is selfless, and therefore, is difficult. I think that this “version” of love is a cure to loneliness because it calls us into community and forces us into solidarity with others.

Unfortunately, we often confuse fondness and attraction with love. Granted, these are wonderful emotions, and often they are extremely powerful but they are not a “choice” as love is. You can’t control who you will or will not “like,” but you can control who you will or will not love. Attraction and fondness will not cure loneliness! They might subdue it for a while, but is only a matter of time before you’ll be faced with situations that call for commitment or conscious decisions rather than emotions.

In my opinion this is why so many marriages fail, because they are based on a love that is purely emotional: intense feelings of attraction and passion mixed in with an overall “caring” attitude. Now I’ve never been married, but I know for a fact that this kind of love has a limited shelf-life.

This should also explain why I don’t really believe in “love-at first-sight” either. (I know, I know.. what kind of a female am I?) I mean sure, I believe in attraction at first sight. I believe in that initial feeling of “Oh, my goodness..” or in some cases “Please God, not now..” but LOVE at first sight? I’m not so sure... after all, if you can “fall” IN love so quickly, who’s to say that you can’t “fall” OUT of love just as fast? (again, another example of how liberally we use the word “love”)

I don’t know when it happened but somewhere along the way I became aware of the fact that no one will ever complete me like God does... because in Him I am complete! Does this mean that I see no point in marriage? No, it doesn’t. I believe in marriage. I’m a fan. And I think that there are people that are meant to be together. There are people who, together, can do more for “the kingdom” together than they could on their own. So yes, yay marriage! This realization simply means that I am free from putting that expectation onto a mere human (who should never have to carry that kind of burden anyway!). It also means that, as much as I hate to admit it, deep down I know that I can handle being single for the rest of my life if that’s what God has planned. Wow I really hate saying that... but it’s true, and I also know that if that’s my “destiny” then God will change the way I feel about it. (because I’m not exactly “fond” of the idea...)

Anyhow, I say all of this because over the past month I have been confronted with several situations that revolved around this twisted way of thinking, around the idea that loneliness can be destroyed with a significant other. Multiple friends have come to me describing desires for fulfillment, and each time they summed up their wish by saying “I just want someone to love me. I just want to be satisfied.”

Let me just say that it kills me to hear my friends “longing” for such things, because I know what it is that they are really looking for. How can anyone argue that fact that God has placed something in us that makes us yearn for Him? Yes, we all want the “physical” something in the “here and now”, something tangible... but at the end of the day, whether we have the tangible or not, we all long for completion, for fulfillment, and there is only one who can meet that need.