The other night I made the mistake of watching “When Harry meet Sally.” Don’t get me wrong, I love that movie, but I needed to watch it just to see if I still believed in its truths, and sadly.. I do. Yes america. I am one of “those people” who believes that single men and women cannot be friends without one of them being attracted at some point. I hate that I believe in this.. but it’s true! Admit it! It is SO true. The sucky part about this theology is that, in my life, it seems I am always the one who is attracted. Ok, I take that back.. there have been a few times where certain friends of mine have been attracted and I haven’t returned the favor.. but it’s been a while since I have been in that position (which, for the record, I hate, because there have been times were I have really wished that I could have feelings for people that I don’t have feelings for) ok wait.. now that I think about it, there was a tiny situation about a month ago where this sort of thing happened so maybe it hasn’t been “a while”.. wow, maybe I should stop complaining.
Anyhow. My point is this, and I think I have illustrated it quite well by now: The attempt is futile. Try as you might to be a single person in a platonic relationship with a single person of the opposite sex, it will never work. ok, so yes, it can work.. but be prepared because eventually, at some point, one will become “attracted” to the other. Whether there are intense feelings or not, whether you admit or not, whether “emotions” are ever discussed or not, it will happen. It’s a law somewhere. I just know it. And good luck to you if you happen to be the sucker who falls first. Because then what do you do? Tell them? How could you? You are friends, you value the friendship, you don’t want to end things all together, you don’t want things to be “awkward” blah blah blah. Face it. You’re screwed.
Now I know what you’re thinking. “Now Danica.. I have TONS of single guy/girl friends, and there is nothing going on... etc.” Well of course there isn’t anything going on! We are kings and queens of deception, haven’t you noticed? We’ve become masters at hiding the truth when it comes to how we really feel.
I would love to end this little soliloquy on a happy note.. but alas, how can I, Miss “Independent woman, Single and strong for 4 years long” instill hope in anyone on this subject? What do I know? I guess I could say that best case scenario you could end up like Harry and Sally.. but even then.. it took them 12 years to figure things out! Who has that kind of time? I will say this... I don’t think that attraction in a platonic relationship means death, but it definitely complicates things. I have single guy friends whom I have “liked” or who have “liked” me at some point or another, and we have managed to remain friends. Granted, in the cases where I have been the one attracted, they’ve had no idea.. but the point is that I managed to keep the friendship intact. So, maybe I am contradicting myself, but yes.. platonic relationships are possible.. but I don’t think they are as platonic as we like to think they are.
Just watch ‘When Harry Met Sally”.. such a great movie...
2 comments:
To quote myself ..
"I will say this... I don’t think that attraction in a platonic relationship means death, but it definitely complicates things. I have single guy friends whom I have “liked” or who have “liked” me at some point or another, and we have managed to remain friends. Granted, in the cases where I have been the one attracted, they’ve had no idea.. but the point is that I managed to keep the friendship intact. So, maybe I am contradicting myself, but yes.. platonic relationships are possible.. but I don’t think they are as platonic as we like to think they are. "
I never said that people should act on every little crush that they have. Good grief that would be disasterous. Look at the people I have fallen for! I can't imagine how much therapy I would need if I actually acted on every time attraction raised its ugly head.
In addition, I wasn't attempting to make this situation sound "cataclysmic".. it's just that I have way too many friends who are in these "platonic relationships" having all of these problems because they are attracted to the other person, and they don't understand "why this is happening" and how to deal with it and all that. I was simply trying to make the point that this sort of situation is common, and should not be so suprising and that, most likely, there is no one right or wrong way to handle it.
You said that "These crushes happen, and some matter and some don't, but they don't mean that men and women can't be friends; in fact I think it gives us all the more reason to pursue these friendships. If you can't get past that, what's the point of being friends anyway? I'm here to say you CAN get past it."
I completely agree with you. In fact, this validates my point that men and women cannot be friends without one of them becoming attracted to the other at some point. This is exactly what I was attempting to say when I said ," Try as you might to be a single person in a platonic relationship with a single person of the opposite sex, it will never work. ok, so yes, it can work.. but be prepared because eventually, at some point, one will become “attracted” to the other... I don’t think that attraction in a platonic relationship means death, but it definitely complicates things. I have single guy friends whom I have “liked” or who have “liked” me at some point or another, and we have managed to remain friends...So, maybe I am contradicting myself, but yes.. platonic relationships are possible.. but I don’t think they are as platonic as we like to think they are."
Not lecturing, just reiterrating what seems to have been misinterrpreted. Perhaps I should have put it another way...
And I'm sad that you don't like the movie =( (tear).. Who is Jon again? the xanga guy? You and mom ARE coming on Christmas eve right? And you ARE coming on NEw YEar's, right? Jon can come too..
Did you see Gwen Stefani's new video? It's very.. piratey...
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