Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
8.05.2006
5.19.2006
More Proposal Pics!
So.. it turns out that we were not alone in the wilderness! Joel had a friend of his hide up in the brush with a camera by the falls where he planned to propose. he stayed hidden the entire time and took pictures of the entire thing! Joel just surprised me with them today!! Some are a little blurry due to the stealth nature of the endeavor.. I will do my best to narrate:
Joel and I switch places so that he can "take my picture."
He's proposing!! No way!
Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!
Are you sure?
WOW!
PDA.
Mmm.
Joel and I switch places so that he can "take my picture."
He's proposing!! No way!
Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!
Are you sure?
WOW!
PDA.
Mmm.
5.18.2006
Engagements Everywhere!
Yes Kelsey, I'm wearing a freakin' rock!
Wow this is crazy....
So, as of May 17th, 2006 Joel and I became officially engaged!
Here is the story:
Monday morning we flew out here to Redding, CA to spend some time with Joel's family. We spent the first few days hiking around to different scenic spots and meeting various fmaily members. So far so good. =)
Yesterday I woke up to the sound of Joel coming into my room carrying breakfast on a tray (eggs, bacon, toast, oj, vitamins, oh my!) along with roses. Yay for breakfast in bed! We had planned to spend the day out at McCloud Falls, an area in the mountains with 3 different waterfalls: lower, middle, and upper. We got ready to go for the day, and before we left Joel said he had something else for me, so he pulled out a huge Hershey's "Special Dark" chocolate bar along with another rose. Awww. So Joel had the car packed up with lunch, parked in the garage with the air conditioner running so we got in and started on our way.
We drove for about an hour up through the mountians, passing Mt. Shasta and other scenic points. Along the way we got a bit turned around, and Joel seemed to be getting a little frustrated that he didn't remember exactly where it was, so we turned around once, and when we arrived we took a wrong trail but eventually we found our way. (all the while I kept telling him that we were in no hurry, so there was no need to worry about getting turned around... etc etc). So when we got on the right track we stopped by the lower falls first, took some pictures, stuck our hands in the the freezing cold water, saw some deer, and then decided to head up toward the middle falls.
At the middle falls we took some pictures and then walked out to a rock on the water in front of the waterfall where we decided to unpack lunch. So we sat onn the rock and ate a bit, but we weren't very hungry, so I we packed up and I went to take a picture of Joel in front of the waterfall, then he asked to get a picture of me in front of the waterfall too. To which I protested asking why he wanted one too, but I finally gave in and we switched spots and I let him take a picture. Once he finished he said "Oh, remember how I told you that I had a graduation present for you and that I wanted to give it to you later? Well I want to give it to you now." So he went to his bag and pullled something out and held it behind his back as he walked back to me. Then he told me to stand up, and he got down on one knee pulled a box out behind his back, opened it up and said "Danica Faith Mercer, I love you so much. Will you marry me?"
To which I replied by covering my face saying "oh my god! oh my god!" And he said "at least look at the ring!" And I looked at the ring, and at him and said "Are you sure?" and he said "Yes, I'm sure." And I said "I might be bad at being married!" and he said, "It'll be fine." and I said "Yes. yes I will."
And then there was a lot of hugging and kissing. But no crying!!
So there it is, the story that I've told a million times and look forward to telling a million times more.
Some pics for the curious:
The Spot!
Joel before the question...
Me before the question...
Us after the question!
One more shot of the most beautiful ring ever!
Wow this is crazy....
So, as of May 17th, 2006 Joel and I became officially engaged!
Here is the story:
Monday morning we flew out here to Redding, CA to spend some time with Joel's family. We spent the first few days hiking around to different scenic spots and meeting various fmaily members. So far so good. =)
Yesterday I woke up to the sound of Joel coming into my room carrying breakfast on a tray (eggs, bacon, toast, oj, vitamins, oh my!) along with roses. Yay for breakfast in bed! We had planned to spend the day out at McCloud Falls, an area in the mountains with 3 different waterfalls: lower, middle, and upper. We got ready to go for the day, and before we left Joel said he had something else for me, so he pulled out a huge Hershey's "Special Dark" chocolate bar along with another rose. Awww. So Joel had the car packed up with lunch, parked in the garage with the air conditioner running so we got in and started on our way.
We drove for about an hour up through the mountians, passing Mt. Shasta and other scenic points. Along the way we got a bit turned around, and Joel seemed to be getting a little frustrated that he didn't remember exactly where it was, so we turned around once, and when we arrived we took a wrong trail but eventually we found our way. (all the while I kept telling him that we were in no hurry, so there was no need to worry about getting turned around... etc etc). So when we got on the right track we stopped by the lower falls first, took some pictures, stuck our hands in the the freezing cold water, saw some deer, and then decided to head up toward the middle falls.
At the middle falls we took some pictures and then walked out to a rock on the water in front of the waterfall where we decided to unpack lunch. So we sat onn the rock and ate a bit, but we weren't very hungry, so I we packed up and I went to take a picture of Joel in front of the waterfall, then he asked to get a picture of me in front of the waterfall too. To which I protested asking why he wanted one too, but I finally gave in and we switched spots and I let him take a picture. Once he finished he said "Oh, remember how I told you that I had a graduation present for you and that I wanted to give it to you later? Well I want to give it to you now." So he went to his bag and pullled something out and held it behind his back as he walked back to me. Then he told me to stand up, and he got down on one knee pulled a box out behind his back, opened it up and said "Danica Faith Mercer, I love you so much. Will you marry me?"
To which I replied by covering my face saying "oh my god! oh my god!" And he said "at least look at the ring!" And I looked at the ring, and at him and said "Are you sure?" and he said "Yes, I'm sure." And I said "I might be bad at being married!" and he said, "It'll be fine." and I said "Yes. yes I will."
And then there was a lot of hugging and kissing. But no crying!!
So there it is, the story that I've told a million times and look forward to telling a million times more.
Some pics for the curious:
The Spot!
Joel before the question...
Me before the question...
Us after the question!
One more shot of the most beautiful ring ever!
2.23.2005
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
So I meant to talk about this a couple of days ago, but I got sidetracked... so allow me, if you will, to back track to Valentine's Day.
I spent the lovely evening at the apartment of a friend and together we had dinner with an amazing group of 9 fabulous females. It wasn't a time of boy-bashing, or self-pitying.. instead it was a time of sharing who were are and where we are all at in our lives and where it is we think we might be going. I have to say, I found it to be extremely empowering. There I was in a room with some of the most talented and motivated people I have ever met in my life, and none of us were dependent on another person for our happiness, none of us had a specific plan laid out for our lives, and yet there we were 9 strangers randomly connected by one circumstance or another. Together we represented 7 different states... it was amazing to hear how God had taken us from various places and brought us all here to Nashville, TN.
Maybe it's the fact that most of the girls I grew up with are married or having kids (or both), maybe it's the idea that where I'm from girls, go to college and get married and hopefully get a degree... but even as a single woman who has never subscribed to that philosophy, sometimes it's hard not to feel 'unsuccessful" when all of your friends are planning families and weddings and preparing casserols and meanwhile you have no idea what classes to take next spring, much less what the next 5 years will look like.
For a long time I went around saying that I would never get married.. that I would live to be a cat lady in a New York apartment where all the local children would call me auntie and come have tea with me in the afternoons. Granted, part of me was joking... but slowly I began to realize that I was obviously using this as an excuse, so that in case this actually happened, it wouldn't take me off gaurd... so that people would think that was the way I had planned it in case no one ever wanted me. It probably sounds stupid, but yeah, that's how my mind works sometimes.
These past few months God has been slowly showing me what it is that I really want out of life, and suprisingly enough.. it isn't things that I used to dream of as a teenager... in fact, He's probably spent more time showing me what it is that I DON'T want.. leaving the dreaming and scheming up to Him.
I don't want a lot of money, I don't want fame, I don't want a huge house, I don't even want to own a car that costs more than my yearly tuition, I don't want a platinum TV, I don't want a swimming pool.. etc etc.
Granted.. if God blessed me with money and fame and what not, then I pray that He would show me how to handle that in a proper manner.. (cause they certainly bring demons of their own.. even with the best intentions) but it's not something I feel the need to strive for, or even to ask for, for that matter.
I've finally come to a point in my life where I feel safe admitting that I want to get married. I want to have children. I want to have love, and family, and friends until the day I die. It may sound strange, but I've never been able to really say that out loud before. It was as if I thought admitting it would garuntee that it would never happen. (or worse, that people would assume that I had turned into one of those "flighty" girls whose ultimate goal in life was to get married) But for the first time ever, I'm at a place where I feel as though I'd be fine either way. I'm not going to lash out against God if I turn out to be single forever. The idea doesn't thrill me, but if I've learned anything, it's that God knows what I need and what I want and what He wants from me, and I... well, I don't.
So because of this, I don't feel the need to try and "save face" by acting as though marriage and family aren't a big deal to me. They are a big deal, and hopefully someday I'll enjoy them, but if not, then God has other things in store.
Haha.. it just dawned on me that RUF is supposed to be over relationships tonight, and chances are that I'll go hear the proper way to process this stuff and well... hopefully I'm not too far of base here. In my own defense my more intensive thoughts on the relationship kunundrum can be found HERE (scroll to 11-14 "pet peeve #98745" yup... that's the one.. ohh how we remember it well... haha)
Anyhow, I know some of us talked about our church experiences as of late, but I suppose I'll just reitterate how much Sunday meant to me. God's really been dealing with me and my feelings of inadequacy and "barreness" in terms of music and life and relationships and pretty much everything as of late. As most of you have shared, I too have felt helplesely trapped lately. As though everything in my life is on hold, in limbo, waiting for something, for anything, and meanwhile the world keeps moving, all while I'm sitting still, accomplishing nothing. So Sunday comes and and the sermon is over Abraham and Sarah. (We all know the tale, the barren woman and the man with no land to cultivate living in a time where God's tells man to be fruitful and multiply and to work the land) Anyhow, the message was simple, basically reminding us to look to the sky and remember God's promise. I know it sounds cheesy, but there I was: barren, unproductive, with no idea what to do or where to go or even how to fully let myself trust that God had a distinct plan and a purpose for me... and it was just what I needed to hear. That A: millions have fought this same battle before me, B: God keeps his promises and C: that if we had what we needed to accomplish our dreams and goals and whatnot.. then we wouldn't need Jesus (or think that we needed Him..).
So I know this post has been all over the place, but in my head all of these situations are extremely entertwined. basically it all boils down to me being able to let it all go and have a little faith.. to rest in the fact that "unsuccessful" by today's standards simply translates into "immense potential" in God language.
Well, this is the end I guess... I feel really vulnerable writing all this out, (and not because it's a public site, because trust me, I could fill fill libraries with all my thoughts and opinions and questions and realizations and the details of my life that I would never post... honestly, this is nothing in comparision to what it could be...plus, there's nothing here that I wouldn't share with anyone who asked) but because.. well I dunno.. those of you who know me know what a step this is for me... I'm sure I lost half of you when you passed out after the "I want to get married" sentence... or maybe you knew I was posing all along.
I've always been a bad liar. =)
I spent the lovely evening at the apartment of a friend and together we had dinner with an amazing group of 9 fabulous females. It wasn't a time of boy-bashing, or self-pitying.. instead it was a time of sharing who were are and where we are all at in our lives and where it is we think we might be going. I have to say, I found it to be extremely empowering. There I was in a room with some of the most talented and motivated people I have ever met in my life, and none of us were dependent on another person for our happiness, none of us had a specific plan laid out for our lives, and yet there we were 9 strangers randomly connected by one circumstance or another. Together we represented 7 different states... it was amazing to hear how God had taken us from various places and brought us all here to Nashville, TN.
Maybe it's the fact that most of the girls I grew up with are married or having kids (or both), maybe it's the idea that where I'm from girls, go to college and get married and hopefully get a degree... but even as a single woman who has never subscribed to that philosophy, sometimes it's hard not to feel 'unsuccessful" when all of your friends are planning families and weddings and preparing casserols and meanwhile you have no idea what classes to take next spring, much less what the next 5 years will look like.
For a long time I went around saying that I would never get married.. that I would live to be a cat lady in a New York apartment where all the local children would call me auntie and come have tea with me in the afternoons. Granted, part of me was joking... but slowly I began to realize that I was obviously using this as an excuse, so that in case this actually happened, it wouldn't take me off gaurd... so that people would think that was the way I had planned it in case no one ever wanted me. It probably sounds stupid, but yeah, that's how my mind works sometimes.
These past few months God has been slowly showing me what it is that I really want out of life, and suprisingly enough.. it isn't things that I used to dream of as a teenager... in fact, He's probably spent more time showing me what it is that I DON'T want.. leaving the dreaming and scheming up to Him.
I don't want a lot of money, I don't want fame, I don't want a huge house, I don't even want to own a car that costs more than my yearly tuition, I don't want a platinum TV, I don't want a swimming pool.. etc etc.
Granted.. if God blessed me with money and fame and what not, then I pray that He would show me how to handle that in a proper manner.. (cause they certainly bring demons of their own.. even with the best intentions) but it's not something I feel the need to strive for, or even to ask for, for that matter.
I've finally come to a point in my life where I feel safe admitting that I want to get married. I want to have children. I want to have love, and family, and friends until the day I die. It may sound strange, but I've never been able to really say that out loud before. It was as if I thought admitting it would garuntee that it would never happen. (or worse, that people would assume that I had turned into one of those "flighty" girls whose ultimate goal in life was to get married) But for the first time ever, I'm at a place where I feel as though I'd be fine either way. I'm not going to lash out against God if I turn out to be single forever. The idea doesn't thrill me, but if I've learned anything, it's that God knows what I need and what I want and what He wants from me, and I... well, I don't.
So because of this, I don't feel the need to try and "save face" by acting as though marriage and family aren't a big deal to me. They are a big deal, and hopefully someday I'll enjoy them, but if not, then God has other things in store.
Haha.. it just dawned on me that RUF is supposed to be over relationships tonight, and chances are that I'll go hear the proper way to process this stuff and well... hopefully I'm not too far of base here. In my own defense my more intensive thoughts on the relationship kunundrum can be found HERE (scroll to 11-14 "pet peeve #98745" yup... that's the one.. ohh how we remember it well... haha)
Anyhow, I know some of us talked about our church experiences as of late, but I suppose I'll just reitterate how much Sunday meant to me. God's really been dealing with me and my feelings of inadequacy and "barreness" in terms of music and life and relationships and pretty much everything as of late. As most of you have shared, I too have felt helplesely trapped lately. As though everything in my life is on hold, in limbo, waiting for something, for anything, and meanwhile the world keeps moving, all while I'm sitting still, accomplishing nothing. So Sunday comes and and the sermon is over Abraham and Sarah. (We all know the tale, the barren woman and the man with no land to cultivate living in a time where God's tells man to be fruitful and multiply and to work the land) Anyhow, the message was simple, basically reminding us to look to the sky and remember God's promise. I know it sounds cheesy, but there I was: barren, unproductive, with no idea what to do or where to go or even how to fully let myself trust that God had a distinct plan and a purpose for me... and it was just what I needed to hear. That A: millions have fought this same battle before me, B: God keeps his promises and C: that if we had what we needed to accomplish our dreams and goals and whatnot.. then we wouldn't need Jesus (or think that we needed Him..).
So I know this post has been all over the place, but in my head all of these situations are extremely entertwined. basically it all boils down to me being able to let it all go and have a little faith.. to rest in the fact that "unsuccessful" by today's standards simply translates into "immense potential" in God language.
Well, this is the end I guess... I feel really vulnerable writing all this out, (and not because it's a public site, because trust me, I could fill fill libraries with all my thoughts and opinions and questions and realizations and the details of my life that I would never post... honestly, this is nothing in comparision to what it could be...plus, there's nothing here that I wouldn't share with anyone who asked) but because.. well I dunno.. those of you who know me know what a step this is for me... I'm sure I lost half of you when you passed out after the "I want to get married" sentence... or maybe you knew I was posing all along.
I've always been a bad liar. =)
11.14.2004
Pet Peeve #98745
Those who, either in word or in deed, subscribe to the philosophy that states that "romantic" love is a cure to loneliness.
This is not true.
I wasn't going to post about this... but it's too late now.
I'll be the first to admit that this is hard trap to avoid. After all, our culture has "Jerry-McGuired" us into believing that there are people out there who can "complete' us. But based on my experience (which, granted, is limited) "romantic" love is most definitely NOT a cure to loneliness. In fact, some of my loneliest moments were moments when I was dealing with "romantic" love.
I think that part of the problem here is our definition of "love." Sadly, the English language only has 1 word for love, whereas other languages have several. (Greek, for example, has 4) It is interesting to look at the implications this has made on our society. We throw the word “love” around as if it were any common noun or verb. We love chocolate, the color blue, the ocean, and sometimes we even love people! Because of our limited vocabulary options, we are forced to define love every time we use the term.
In my mind love is a choice. It’s a call to compassion, it’s a commitment to caring. A commitment that says, from now on, whether I “feel” like it or not, I choose to act in this persons best interest. Love is selfless, and therefore, is difficult. I think that this “version” of love is a cure to loneliness because it calls us into community and forces us into solidarity with others.
Unfortunately, we often confuse fondness and attraction with love. Granted, these are wonderful emotions, and often they are extremely powerful but they are not a “choice” as love is. You can’t control who you will or will not “like,” but you can control who you will or will not love. Attraction and fondness will not cure loneliness! They might subdue it for a while, but is only a matter of time before you’ll be faced with situations that call for commitment or conscious decisions rather than emotions.
In my opinion this is why so many marriages fail, because they are based on a love that is purely emotional: intense feelings of attraction and passion mixed in with an overall “caring” attitude. Now I’ve never been married, but I know for a fact that this kind of love has a limited shelf-life.
This should also explain why I don’t really believe in “love-at first-sight” either. (I know, I know.. what kind of a female am I?) I mean sure, I believe in attraction at first sight. I believe in that initial feeling of “Oh, my goodness..” or in some cases “Please God, not now..” but LOVE at first sight? I’m not so sure... after all, if you can “fall” IN love so quickly, who’s to say that you can’t “fall” OUT of love just as fast? (again, another example of how liberally we use the word “love”)
I don’t know when it happened but somewhere along the way I became aware of the fact that no one will ever complete me like God does... because in Him I am complete! Does this mean that I see no point in marriage? No, it doesn’t. I believe in marriage. I’m a fan. And I think that there are people that are meant to be together. There are people who, together, can do more for “the kingdom” together than they could on their own. So yes, yay marriage! This realization simply means that I am free from putting that expectation onto a mere human (who should never have to carry that kind of burden anyway!). It also means that, as much as I hate to admit it, deep down I know that I can handle being single for the rest of my life if that’s what God has planned. Wow I really hate saying that... but it’s true, and I also know that if that’s my “destiny” then God will change the way I feel about it. (because I’m not exactly “fond” of the idea...)
Anyhow, I say all of this because over the past month I have been confronted with several situations that revolved around this twisted way of thinking, around the idea that loneliness can be destroyed with a significant other. Multiple friends have come to me describing desires for fulfillment, and each time they summed up their wish by saying “I just want someone to love me. I just want to be satisfied.”
Let me just say that it kills me to hear my friends “longing” for such things, because I know what it is that they are really looking for. How can anyone argue that fact that God has placed something in us that makes us yearn for Him? Yes, we all want the “physical” something in the “here and now”, something tangible... but at the end of the day, whether we have the tangible or not, we all long for completion, for fulfillment, and there is only one who can meet that need.
This is not true.
I wasn't going to post about this... but it's too late now.
I'll be the first to admit that this is hard trap to avoid. After all, our culture has "Jerry-McGuired" us into believing that there are people out there who can "complete' us. But based on my experience (which, granted, is limited) "romantic" love is most definitely NOT a cure to loneliness. In fact, some of my loneliest moments were moments when I was dealing with "romantic" love.
I think that part of the problem here is our definition of "love." Sadly, the English language only has 1 word for love, whereas other languages have several. (Greek, for example, has 4) It is interesting to look at the implications this has made on our society. We throw the word “love” around as if it were any common noun or verb. We love chocolate, the color blue, the ocean, and sometimes we even love people! Because of our limited vocabulary options, we are forced to define love every time we use the term.
In my mind love is a choice. It’s a call to compassion, it’s a commitment to caring. A commitment that says, from now on, whether I “feel” like it or not, I choose to act in this persons best interest. Love is selfless, and therefore, is difficult. I think that this “version” of love is a cure to loneliness because it calls us into community and forces us into solidarity with others.
Unfortunately, we often confuse fondness and attraction with love. Granted, these are wonderful emotions, and often they are extremely powerful but they are not a “choice” as love is. You can’t control who you will or will not “like,” but you can control who you will or will not love. Attraction and fondness will not cure loneliness! They might subdue it for a while, but is only a matter of time before you’ll be faced with situations that call for commitment or conscious decisions rather than emotions.
In my opinion this is why so many marriages fail, because they are based on a love that is purely emotional: intense feelings of attraction and passion mixed in with an overall “caring” attitude. Now I’ve never been married, but I know for a fact that this kind of love has a limited shelf-life.
This should also explain why I don’t really believe in “love-at first-sight” either. (I know, I know.. what kind of a female am I?) I mean sure, I believe in attraction at first sight. I believe in that initial feeling of “Oh, my goodness..” or in some cases “Please God, not now..” but LOVE at first sight? I’m not so sure... after all, if you can “fall” IN love so quickly, who’s to say that you can’t “fall” OUT of love just as fast? (again, another example of how liberally we use the word “love”)
I don’t know when it happened but somewhere along the way I became aware of the fact that no one will ever complete me like God does... because in Him I am complete! Does this mean that I see no point in marriage? No, it doesn’t. I believe in marriage. I’m a fan. And I think that there are people that are meant to be together. There are people who, together, can do more for “the kingdom” together than they could on their own. So yes, yay marriage! This realization simply means that I am free from putting that expectation onto a mere human (who should never have to carry that kind of burden anyway!). It also means that, as much as I hate to admit it, deep down I know that I can handle being single for the rest of my life if that’s what God has planned. Wow I really hate saying that... but it’s true, and I also know that if that’s my “destiny” then God will change the way I feel about it. (because I’m not exactly “fond” of the idea...)
Anyhow, I say all of this because over the past month I have been confronted with several situations that revolved around this twisted way of thinking, around the idea that loneliness can be destroyed with a significant other. Multiple friends have come to me describing desires for fulfillment, and each time they summed up their wish by saying “I just want someone to love me. I just want to be satisfied.”
Let me just say that it kills me to hear my friends “longing” for such things, because I know what it is that they are really looking for. How can anyone argue that fact that God has placed something in us that makes us yearn for Him? Yes, we all want the “physical” something in the “here and now”, something tangible... but at the end of the day, whether we have the tangible or not, we all long for completion, for fulfillment, and there is only one who can meet that need.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)