Somehow it always comes around.

Just when I thought I had heard the end of the question, I somehow manage to find myself answering it again. Sometimes I wonder if this will haunt me forever.

It's 2 am and it's April 21. This post goes out to a person who, as far as I know, has no clue that this site even exists,which makes it all the more possible for me to be somewhat "vindicitve" now, so for that I thank-you.

The questions with you died a long time ago and for that I'm thankful. But every now and then you show up.

I suppose I should give credit where credit is due, afterall, life always has its reasons, good or bad. Not that people should be considered "learning experiences" but I think many situations end up that way, and that's not always a bad thing. You played a big role in helping me be as stubborn and opinionated as I am now, and you were the first to show me that caring is scary and complicated but worth it in the long run (sometimes the long long run...but that's life I guess).

You crossed my mind this week, and that hasn't happened in a while (i don't mean that as mean as it sounds). And I was trying to think of how I've changed since and what I might have learned that could be attributed to you. And there were several things, some good, some bad, some just dumb. But one thing in particular stood out to me, and it's something I've been dealing with for a while. I remember being so pissed at you because you could never manage to believe in anything I did or wanted or hoped for or whatever, and that was just... a lot of things.. but really, I have to tell you that I always knew it stemmed from the fact that no one had ever supported you in anything. And I can't say that I know what that feels like, cause thank God I don't. But thanks to you, well partially, I did learn how to second-guess everything and now I know what it's like to struggle with believing in myself. But you know how that is.

Anyhow. I say all this to someone who will probably never see it, which is fine by me, in hopes that'd we'd all take a moment to remember that the things we say and do, or in some cases, the things we Don't say and do, make a difference.. and we will never know the full impact that our actions, words, and lives have on other people. I used to think this was a scary thought, and it is... But at the same time, I think it's somewhat empowering... Afterall you never know what God is doing. Good or bad, God is working.