Baccalaureate Speech...

(k, sorry it has taken me forever to post this! Oh, and FYI: This is what I had planned to say... I know for a fact that not all of it came out, because I actually forgot to talk about serive year.. which is ironic really, becausse that's the whole reason why they asked me to speak... whoops.)

I've always been one to belive that God is a God of the the unexpected, and standing here on the brink of graduation as my time at Belmont comes to a close, I feel as though I finally have some validity to my assumption.

Three years ago I transferred here to Belmont. To a school I had never seen. To a city I knew next to nothing of. In the beginning there was the dream. The dream every commercial music major has as they read their acceptance letter, the dream of musical success and prominence. Before I knew it I found myself surrounded by talent that I had never before seen or heard, and I was intimidated. However, it didn't take long for the God of the unexpected to move.

I've always been one to be involved in service, social justice, and advocacy. There was no spectacular moment this arrived, no teacher, mentor, or class that presented it to me. It simply has always been a part of my life, and I can attribute that to none other than God himself. With this in mind, my arrival at Belmont did not initally bring the musical success I had envisioned. Instead it brought
"Hunger and Homelessness" a student service group that I naturally gravitated toward and soon found myself running. Before I knew it I was planning convos, demanding free trade coffee on campus, asking for a living wage for belmont's employees and going on relief trips to Indonesia. It wasn't long before music was something that was shoved carelessly in between other obligations I had placed upon myself.

It took me a few years to realize the sin I had committed, using one
gift to avoid another. I came to the realization that God doesn't always call
us to focus on the gift that we find easiest, or the gift that we are "less afriad of." It wasn't right for me to avoid my music simply because I felt inadequate. I
soon found myself asking the question: "How does a music major refine their
talent, pursue their dream and still serve others and work for change without loosing sight of the gift: music?"I suppose the answer is somewhat different for everyone, and while answers to tough questions rarely come easy, I often struggle
with it.

This past year I began looking for volunteer opportunities involving music, and I soon came across the W.O. Smith Community Music School right off of Edgehill and 15th. It is here that I have started volunteering as a music teacher (something I never foresaw happening!) for the local neighborhood children. What better way for a music major to give back to the community and in turn, get to know the surrounding neighborhood and it's families? In addition, this spring I decided to participate
in a program through Belmont entitled "Belmont Service Year" which is designed for graduates of Belmont who wish to spend a year serving in the local neighborhood and living in tight Christian Community.

It hasn't always been easy, and the past three years have definitely not been anything that I expected in the begininng. But I can be glad of that. If there's anything I've learned, it's that God is continually changing me, even if it is unexpected.

Of course there are some things that never change. Over the course of my college career attempts to balance school, work, friends, family,church and volunteering have revealed that time management is and probably always will be a skill worth mastering. it's true, keeping one's priorities straight is easier said than done. And of course there have been times where I, like most everyone esle at some point, have questioned caring. Why serve at all? Why now? Why me? There have been times I have wanted to quit and leave the job to somebody else, but at the end of the day, I remind myself of "ubuntu," an African word translating, "we are only people, because of other people." This to me is beautiful and bittersweet, hopeful, and tragic.
In the end, we are only as strong as our weakest link. As I've struggled with reconciling my gift of music in a world and a city full of poverty and injustice I have moved toward self-awakening.

Sure I still believe that Belmont should provide a living wage to their employees, of course I still demand that the University offer Fair Trade goods on campus, and undoubtedly I still promote the importance of advocacy for social justice. But learning to use my specific gifts and talents to serve and teach others has renewed and refreshed me in ways that I had never expected. It has opened my eyes to the necesity of each persons specific gift, and to how it is imperative that we each utlize what we have been given in order to serve others and make difference in the world.

The End.

(yeah yeah, parts of this are from other "speaking engagements" I've done... but I had to write this during finals!)

Advocacy: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly

This past week has been crazy! And I can only assume that the craziness will continue, but that’s not such a bad thing. I’ve found that at times craziness is beneficial, even essential, to ones sanity. However, in the midst of all the activity, I’ve had to remind myself to slow down, breathe, sleep, eat. I’ve noticed that over these past few weeks I’ve been doing plenty of thinking but I’ve had very little time for reflection; and as past experience has proved, in my life this is generally a danger sign.

So the other day I spent some time reflecting over the past few weeks: the seminars, the convo’s, the programs, the conventions, even conversations that I have had with others, or God. I thought about the direction my life is heading (or better yet, my attempt to understand where my life is going) and the types of things that I have been involved with over these last few years.

Once again I was reminded of how strange God is. I think back to three years ago and to the person I was, and when I flash back to the future it is amazing to see how far God has taken me (and I’m not talking just miles either). If I had any idea then that I would be where I am today, doing the things that I am doing now, I’m not so sure what I would have thought! Seriously, Romans 12:2 has to have been God’s secret agenda for me over these past few years. And I never saw it coming! (which is good, because if I had.. things might have turned out differently...)

Alas, I digress..

So I bet you’re wondering what this post has to do with advocacy. Well.. as I was mulling things over the other day, my usual doubts and fears regarding my current “passions” came to visit me yet again..

The biggest struggle I’ve encountered since I became involved in social justice issues has been trying to find that fine balance between coming across as “advocating” or complaining. All too often it seems as though people who advocate are simply whining, (I blame part of this on the media, who are notorious for portraying activists in this light) and I don’t want to be seen that way. This has become a focal point for me these days. I’ve started forcing myself to ask those dangerous questions such as: “Am I creating a sense of community through this?” “Are these issues promoting unity, or are they keeping us in a state of division, arguing over legalities and petty differences?” “Does this issue divide those who should be in common accord?” (yes.. I just said ‘common accord’.. stop laughing) “Am I taking a particular stance on this issue simply becuase it’s not the majority opinion?” “Am I making political decisions based on what I’ve been conditioned to believe is politically correct?”

I’ll admit it... I really don’t enjoy answering most of those, but lately I have been taking a closer look at my motives in all of this. My biggest fear is that I will get so caught up in everything that I lose sight of the “Why?”. Or worse, that I will be completely ‘sold-out’ to one particular side of an issue to the point that I won’t recognize it’s path of destruction.

In addition, while I don’t base my decisions on the opinions of others, I think it’s safe to say that I haven’t passed the point of caring how others perceive me. I’m sure that to some I come off as a ‘radical,’ as some “hippie” who is always protesting something. Now I can live with the “radical” part (since it adds humor to my life, and well.. I’m really not!).. but I don’t want people to think that I am simply on some “kick” going through some “liberal college phase” where it’s cool to disagree with social norms and conservative ideals all of the time. I want people to take me seriously.

Spiritually speaking, I’ve been praying that God’s opinion remain what matters most in my life. Afterall, at the end of the day, the most important question I can answer is: “What is at the heart of my mission?” ...and the day my answer becomes anything other than Christ, is the day that I am headed for trouble.

Anyhow.. I’m sure you’ve had enough of my stream-of-consciousness musings..

Till next time..

Consistently Inconsistent...

The past few weeks have been amazing, insane, melancholy, thrilling, painful and everything else. There is so much that I would like to say, but I fear that saying anything would jinx everything, even if there isn't really anything to jinx. (if you could follow that, 10 points to you!)

Current mood: moderately content...

Current Music: Keane "Hopes and Fears"

I wrote 2 1/2 sets of lyrics this week.

Last week I tried out for our Commercial Music Showcase, and I didn't make call-backs or anything, but I felt really good about my audition, and for the first time in a long time, it was almost as though the rejection didn't phase me (in other words, very few tears were shed, and I managed to move through the 5 stages of grief briefly!)

Yes, I did watch the debate.. and I took 5 pages of notes; so never fear, you'll have my 2 cents soon enough.

I am volunteering to take the HIV vaccines at Vandy... I am nervous, but not for the reasons you would think.

I'm working at our NashvilleCARES AIDS Walk next Saturday, and word on the street is that Jars of Clay will be at the booth I'm working with. I've heard them speak a few times, so it will be cool to meet them.

Belmont Hunger & Homelessness is sponsoring 4 convocation events this month! Plus we will be serving dinner at the City Rescue Mission at the end of this month, and twice next month. Hopefully we will have students who are willing to come help. In case you were wondering, 2 of our convo's will be over the current Sudan crisis (1 is a lecture, 1 is a letter-writing campaign), Healthcare for the Homeless, and Faith & Advocacy.

Our Faith & Advocacy convo will feature a Belmont alum who now works for "Bread for the World" a non-profit, faith-based organization... the cool part is that while she is in town, she has assembled a group of people to do a lobby visit to Senator Frist's office. The majority leader! The even cooler part is that they have invited me to come! Yay! My first lobby visit, and it will be to the Majority leader! Ahh! (yeah yeah, I'm a dork, I know!)

God has been good to me, even though things have been difficult. I've been really busy, but it's been nice. It feels good to be involved and to feel needed. As hard as some things have been, they have forced me to rely on God more and more. I'm still extremely impatient, but even as I was reading through last month's "bloggings" I can tell that God has changed me.. even if it is only a little bit.