But I've been doing some thinking about the past year.
Last week my mom and I got into an argument. She claimed that a person isn't "making it" if they can't cover emergency situations on their own... I claimed that very few people can handle most emergencies on their own, but it doesn't mean they aren't making it. She called that "survival"... but I disagree... maybe it's because I'm in my twenties and I've had quite a bit of help (most of which was unsolicited), but I think part of being a mature adult involves the ability to admit that receiving help doesn't diminish independence. I'm not talking about co-dependence or anything.. but realistically, most Americans LIVE off credit (something I don't do, thank god!).. I figure if you are smart enough to find the resources to avoid doing that, then you are making it (and you are doing better than most people).
I'll be honest, it's hard for me to ask for help. Which is why I try to avoid it at all costs! I like to help other people, but I hate having to be on the receiving end. I'd rather handle things on my own. Often I feel like asking for help is equal to losing control.. not to mention most "help" that is given is a future guilt-trip in disguise.
That's when I got to thinking... last year found me relying on the hospitality and grace of both friends and strangers on multiple occasions.
The year began with my first car accident followed by a major car breakdown which left me stranded in West Memphis where I was met at a walmart by a local Nazarene pastor (aka: a complete stranger) who took me, my cats and 1/2 my stuff into his home for the night, and out to lunch the following day. I called my roadside assistance and was connected to a man who couldn't help me, but managed to connect me to a friend of his who woke up early on a Sunday morning to meet me and rewire my car for $100. Safely on the road again I made it about 150 miles before I was pulled over and given a ticket.. when I finally made it home I arrived to find a flooded bathroom with busted pipes. In a panic I knocked on my next door neighbors door and was again met with a angel who helped turn the water off and clean up the mess while I waited for my landlord... and in the morning, when I got in my car to drive to work only to find it dead, the same neighbor hooked up his battery charger and charged my car all day while my boss came and drove me to and from work.
I had survived the first week of January. Happy 2008 indeed.
As the year progressed I continually found myself faced with the generosity of others:
-Families who often sent me home with food and consistently over-paid me to watch their kids.
-Friends who helped me move furniture and boxes numerous times with no complaints. and others who gave up their living rooms or bedroom floors while I was in between houses and travel plans.
-Mechanics in three states who attempted to decipher what was wrong with my car.
-The man at Metro Health who illegally cleared my car for emissions so I could renew my plates.
-A friend who connected me with his employer and got me paying voice over jobs
-The month of September alone found me sleeping in the beds of strangers in Dallas, showering in frat houses in Waco, being served homemade lebanese food in homes of newfound friends, and paying my bills with money music had earned me.
Sure there were hard times...
-I paid taxes for the first time in my adult life.
-I dropped over 3grand into my old car.
-I questioned whether I had any clue where my life was going and what I was doing with my time..
But there were good times too.
-I made money AND new friends at both modeling and music video shoots.
-I surprised myself by running 13.1 miles in the Country Music Marathon
-I received multiple mysterious refund checks from Comcast
-I watched the old eclipse hit 100k miles four days before I miraculously traded it in for a vehicle that is beyond what I had hoped for.
-I fell in love with music, and kids and creating again.
-I took my life on the road for a short bit (in what was my best decision of 2008) and drove over 4,000 miles on my way to and from shows where I met all kinds of people, learned all kinds of things about myself, and was reminded of what it's like to be in your 20's.
...And by the end of the year I somehow came out with 4 months of free rent...
And so it goes that my mom may be right. Perhaps I'm just "surviving".. or maybe, just maybe part of "making it" involves relying on the graciousness of others from time to time.
What can I say? I've been blessed with amazing friends and family.
The truth is: no one makes it on their own. We can't control everything. Shit happens. And in my opinion, the person who is "making it" is the one who can set their pride aside and accept help when it is staring them in the face.. it doesn't make them less independent, it doesn't make them a failure... it makes them smart!
They say it takes a whole village to raise a child.. but as I get older, I've begun to wonder how many people it takes to make a successful adult.
Maybe it's my socialist side flaring up again... maybe it's that "ubuntu" philosophy rearing it's head, but if I learned anything in '08, I think it'd be this: Foolish is the person who thinks they are making it alone.
May you be blessed with unexpected help in '09!
Cheers!
~Danica
Photo recap? Yes please.
1 comment:
ubuntu - amen.
Don't let anyone make you believe that being successful is about the amount of money you are making or about your ability to get by on your own - that's not really what life is about. Getting by without anyone's help isn't really the point. You've taken so many chances in the last year and you've come away with positive experiences and grown so much from nearly all of those challenges. That sounds a lot like success to me.
And... can you email me a copy of the pic of me in the big chair? I don't have one of those.
I miss you!!
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